my childrens adhg and my addiction to ritalin

my two children lee and danny have adhg and autism 

when my 2 lads was little i started seeing[ bad ] behavior from both of my lads i was having daily phone calls from school and nursery about there behavior and to be honest with you all what i saw in my lads i could see me as a child and it got me thinking alot about the way i was and the way i struggled to get through life and school like my lads was.

this is why social services became involved in my life and my childrens lives but walsall social services failled my boys so much you would not believe it

so i was put in touch with a doctor [i will call him dr p] i took my lads to see this dr and he was brilliant and the support and the way he was with my lads was brilliant

LEE was diagnosed with adhg and severe learning difficulities

DANNY was diagnosed with adhg autism and severe learning disabilities

and whe the lads was put on medication it did not work straight away but when it did i saw my lads lives change dramatically for the better and i remember crying and thinking god im glad there lives will be better for them

danny did end up going in to a special school and it did take danny alot to settle down and lee was kept in mainstream school which the same lee still had problems but my god did they push there selves not me doing it for them but my lads doing it them selves

at times even on medication my lads used to try and see how far they both could test me and push me and i will not lie i used to be on my knees more times than anyone would know

and as time went by by lads was growing and i was still getting more and more frustrated and the feelings i had inside was not going away so i went to the drs and i was sent for a mental health assessment and what was found out is that i have dislexia and adhg and severe learning disabilities and all of sudden my past just flashed back in to my head i knew now why i felt the way i did and in away was a relief

but then i started blaming myself for my lads having these disabilities and the guilt inside built up and up and i just could not exept me having this

this is exactly how i felt like a failure and not worthy

i had to go back to drs to be started on medication and i was put on ritalin like my lads was and when i started on it i didnt feel no diffrent but the dr said it would take a while but when i started feeling the effects of ritalin it was great at first but i found i wanted more and more of the ritalin i will admitt i got addicted

and the one day i collaped and my immune system was failling and all i was bothered about was my kids

when i went to the hospital i was admitted and the drs told me if i didnt have urgent treatment i would loose my legs or even worse my life

no body knows how i was feeling and all i still was bothered about was my kids what would happen to them who would look after them

but my partner bless him stepped up and shocked me and social services was amazed too yes social services put support in but my children didnt exept more people coming in and out again

there behavior got a bit out of control but i could understand that/ my partner and my 2 older children god i was so proud of

but this one day one person out of my family came to the hospital and said i had to get home else they would have my children put in to walsall foster care and all my worst night mares was coming true i said to this person you cant do this so i had a talk to the drs and they seriously went against me discharging my self so i said if i sign a agreement and come back for the 12 days of my treatment can i please and reluctantly they let

so i went home got my kids back on track and went back every day for treatment but the treatment i had to have was more painfull than having a baby so i had to have mourfine before the treatment i got through it and carried on with mine and my childrens lives

so what im trying to say here is no matter what is thrown at you in life if you have a family that is worth fighting for you will not in no way give up on them i didnt give up because i trully do unconditionally love my family

thank you clare wakeman

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